i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
