I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
