with your own penis?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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