the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
