all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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