Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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