Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
