apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
