Whod you bang
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
