The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
