im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
