Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
