There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
