i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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