I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
