Whod you bang
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
