i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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