highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
