I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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