We won't sleep together?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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