Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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