last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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