That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
