im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
