i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize