around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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