I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
