do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
