Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
