last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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