...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
