you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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