Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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