and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Bring me that man meat
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize