a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
