Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
