I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think my moral compass just broke
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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