What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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