Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
