i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
