Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
