I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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