Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize