He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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