I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
