am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
