I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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