If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
