Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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