he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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