Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
