I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
