I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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