I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
