I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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