There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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