Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize