kristin has been a bad kristin
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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