I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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