if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
