The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
