I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
