If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
