New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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