You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
